UNLEARNING THE QUIET JUDGMENTS

We all carry bias which is not a character flaw, just a human flaw.The question is: what are we doing about it?

A few months ago, I coached a founder who was frustrated with one of his team members who he believed lacked initiative, always waiting for instructions, no particular spark. As we started discussing it, it turned out that she was juggling two kids, a parent with health issues, and English as a second language. She was not lacking spark, she was barely surviving quietly, bravely and doing her best to keep up without dropping any of the balls.

He had never thought to ask. And to his credit, he did after that. Their relationship, and her performance completely transformed.

This happens everywhere. We judge people’s work ethic without knowing their health. We judge their communication without understanding their culture. We judge their ambition without seeing the invisible load they carry.

I grew up in an environment where community mattered more than credentials. Then I moved to Australia and found myself navigating a whole new social code. People expected assertiveness I had been taught to avoid. They prized independence I had been raised to see as selfish. Neither was wrong, just different. But different is often mistaken for deficient.

This shows up in hiring, performance reviews, even friendships. Someone from a different background shows up late and it is read as disrespect, not a different relationship to time. Someone is quiet in meetings and they are seen as disengaged, not thoughtful or still translating. Someone does not network over beers and they are seen as not a culture fit.

And we wonder why inclusion feels like a box to tick instead of a value to live. I am not saying we should excuse poor behaviour. I am saying we pause before we assume because here is what judgment misses:

• The casual worker with the messy spelling might be sending emails between shifts and school pick-up.

• The job candidate who did not finish Uni may have been the first in their family to even try.

• The startup founder who you think should be further ahead by now might be bootstrapping with zero cushion and still showing up every day.

Real leadership starts when we hold standards without losing compassion, when we design processes that value diversity without punishing difference, and when we ask what support would look like here. If you are in a role where you hire, lead, coach, or mentor  this matters more than ever. because the future is not built by the loudest or the most polished. It is built by the willing who come in all shapes, shades, and stories.

I am unlearning my own assumptions too. About age, about ambition, about what professionalism even looks like. It is humbling, and worth it. So the next time you catch yourself judging, pause. Get curious and ask. You might be surprised what brilliance you have been overlooking because the best minds do not always shout and the best hearts do not always wear suits.

Sometimes they just need someone to look past the packaging.